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JOKES

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This commit is contained in:
Adam R. Grey 2022-01-15 20:32:23 -05:00
parent 433b439f7b
commit 5bbb8c95d1
5 changed files with 212 additions and 146 deletions
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40
Features.cs
View File

@ -1,6 +1,8 @@
using System;
using System.IO;
using System.Net;
using System.Threading;
using System.Threading.Tasks;
using Discord;
using Discord.WebSocket;
using Newtonsoft.Json;
@ -10,6 +12,7 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
{
public static class Features
{
public static Random r = new Random();
public static async void detiktokify(Uri link, SocketUserMessage message)
{
var ytdl = new YoutubeDLSharp.YoutubeDL();
@ -52,7 +55,7 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
{
var request = WebRequest.Create(att.Url);
HttpWebResponse response = request.GetResponse() as HttpWebResponse;
if(!Directory.Exists("tmp"))
if (!Directory.Exists("tmp"))
{
Directory.CreateDirectory("tmp");
}
@ -61,7 +64,7 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
{
input.CopyTo(output);
}
if(ExternalProcess.GoPlz("convert", $"tmp/{att.Filename} tmp/{att.Filename}.jpg"))
if (ExternalProcess.GoPlz("convert", $"tmp/{att.Filename} tmp/{att.Filename}.jpg"))
{
await message.Channel.SendFileAsync($"tmp/{att.Filename}.jpg", "converted from jpeg-but-apple to jpeg");
File.Delete($"tmp/{att.Filename}");
@ -87,12 +90,12 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
SvgQRCode qrCode = new SvgQRCode(qrCodeData);
string qrCodeAsSvg = qrCode.GetGraphic(20);
int todaysnumber = Shared.r.Next();
if(!Directory.Exists("tmp"))
if (!Directory.Exists("tmp"))
{
Directory.CreateDirectory("tmp");
}
File.WriteAllText($"tmp/qr{todaysnumber}.svg", qrCodeAsSvg);
if(ExternalProcess.GoPlz("convert", $"tmp/qr{todaysnumber}.svg tmp/qr{todaysnumber}.png"))
if (ExternalProcess.GoPlz("convert", $"tmp/qr{todaysnumber}.svg tmp/qr{todaysnumber}.png"))
{
await message.Channel.SendFileAsync($"tmp/qr{todaysnumber}.png");
File.Delete($"tmp/qr{todaysnumber}.svg");
@ -104,5 +107,34 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
Console.Error.WriteLine($"convert failed :( qr{todaysnumber}");
}
}
public static async void Joke(SocketUserMessage message)
{
var jokes = File.ReadAllLines("jokes.txt");
var thisJoke = jokes[r.Next(jokes.Length)];
if (thisJoke.Contains("?") && !thisJoke.EndsWith('?'))
{
#pragma warning disable 4014
Task.Run(async () =>
{
var firstIndexAfterQuestionMark = thisJoke.LastIndexOf('?') + 1;
var straightline = thisJoke.Substring(0, firstIndexAfterQuestionMark);
var punchline = thisJoke.Substring(firstIndexAfterQuestionMark, thisJoke.Length - firstIndexAfterQuestionMark);
Task.WaitAll(message.Channel.SendMessageAsync(straightline));
Thread.Sleep(TimeSpan.FromSeconds(r.Next(5, 30)));
var myOwnMsg = await message.Channel.SendMessageAsync(punchline);
if (r.Next(8) == 0)
{
await myOwnMsg.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F60E")); //smiling face with sunglasses
}
});
#pragma warning restore 4014
}
else
{
await message.Channel.SendMessageAsync(thisJoke);
}
}
}
}

157
Program.cs
View File

@ -16,6 +16,7 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
class Program
{
private DiscordSocketClient _client;
private Random r = new Random();
IConfigurationRoot config = new ConfigurationBuilder()
.AddJsonFile("appsettings.json", true, true)
@ -48,6 +49,7 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
await Task.Delay(-1);
}
#pragma warning disable 4014 //the "you're not awaiting this" warning. yeah I know, that's the beauty of an async method lol
#pragma warning disable 1998 //the "it's async but you're not awaiting anything".
private async Task MessageReceived(SocketMessage messageParam)
#pragma warning restore 1998
@ -56,51 +58,152 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
if (message == null) return;
if (message.Author.Id == _client.CurrentUser.Id) return;
Console.WriteLine($"{message.Channel}, {message.Content} (message id: {message.Id})");
Console.WriteLine($"#{message.Channel}[{DateTime.Now}][{message.Author.Username} [id={message.Author.Id}]][msg id: {message.Id}] {message.Content}");
if (message.Author.IsWebhook)
if (message.Author.IsWebhook || message.Author.IsBot)
{
}
else
{
//any channel, from a user
if (message.Content.StartsWith("!qrplz "))
var contentWithoutMention = message.Content;
var mentionedMe = false;
if (message.MentionedUsers?.FirstOrDefault(muid => muid.Id == _client.CurrentUser.Id) != null)
{
Features.qrify(message.Content.Substring("!qrplz ".Length), message);
var mentionOfMe = "<@!" + _client.CurrentUser.Id + ">";
contentWithoutMention = message.Content.Replace(mentionOfMe + " ", null);
contentWithoutMention = contentWithoutMention.Replace(mentionOfMe, null);
mentionedMe = true;
}
else
var wordLikes = message.Content.Split(' ', StringSplitOptions.TrimEntries);
var links = wordLikes?.Where(wl => Uri.IsWellFormedUriString(wl, UriKind.Absolute)).Select(wl => new Uri(wl));
if (links != null && links.Count() > 0)
{
var wordLikes = message.Content.Split(' ', StringSplitOptions.TrimEntries);
var links = wordLikes?.Where(wl => Uri.IsWellFormedUriString(wl, UriKind.Absolute)).Select(wl => new Uri(wl));
if (links != null && links.Count() > 0)
foreach (var link in links)
{
foreach (var link in links)
if (link.Host == "vm.tiktok.com")
{
if (link.Host == "vm.tiktok.com")
{
Features.detiktokify(link, message);
}
Features.detiktokify(link, message);
}
}
}
if (message.Attachments?.Count > 0)
if (message.Attachments?.Count > 0)
{
Console.WriteLine($"{message.Attachments.Count} attachments");
var appleReactions = false;
foreach (var att in message.Attachments)
{
Console.WriteLine($"{message.Attachments.Count} attachments");
var appleReactions = false;
foreach (var att in message.Attachments)
if (att.Filename?.EndsWith(".heic") == true)
{
if (att.Filename?.EndsWith(".heic") == true)
{
Features.deheic(message, att);
appleReactions = true;
}
Features.deheic(message, att);
appleReactions = true;
}
if (appleReactions)
}
if (appleReactions)
{
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F34F"));
}
}
var msgText = message.Content?.ToLower();
if (!string.IsNullOrWhiteSpace(msgText))
{
if (Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "\\bcloud( |-)?native\\b", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase) ||
Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "\\benterprise( |-)?(level|solution)\\b", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase))
{
switch (r.Next(2))
{
#pragma warning disable 4014 //the "you're not awaiting this" warning. yeah I know, that's the beauty of an async method lol
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F34F"));
case 0:
await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\uD83E\uDD2E")); //vomit emoji
break;
case 1:
await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\uD83C\uDDE7")); //B emoji
await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\uD83C\uDDE6")); //A
await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\uD83C\uDDF3")); //N
break;
}
}
if (Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "^(s?he|(yo)?u|y'?all) thinks? i'?m (playin|jokin|kiddin)g?$", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase))
{
var outgoingMessage = await message.Channel.SendMessageAsync("I believed you for a second, but then you assured me you's a \uD83C\uDDE7 \uD83C\uDDEE \uD83C\uDDF9 \uD83C\uDDE8 \uD83C\uDDED");
}
if (Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "\\bwish me luck\\b", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase))
{
if (r.Next(20) == 0)
{
await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001f340"));//4-leaf clover
}
else
{
await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("☘️"));
}
}
if (msgText.Contains("!qrplz "))
{
Features.qrify(msgText.Substring("!qrplz ".Length + msgText.IndexOf("!qrplz ")), message);
}
if (msgText.Contains("!countdown "))
{
//Features.countdown(msgText.Substring("!countdown ".Length + msgText.IndexOf("!countdown ")), message); //converting human readable times is hard :/
}
if (Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "!joke\\b"))
{
Features.Joke(message);
}
if (msgText.Contains("cognitive dissonance") == true)
{
message.ReplyAsync("that's not what cognitive dissonance means.");
}
if (Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "\\bthank (yo)?u\\b", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase) &&
(mentionedMe || Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "\\b(sh?tik)?bot\\b", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase)))
{
switch (r.Next(4))
{
case 0:
message.Channel.SendMessageAsync("you're welcome, citizen!");
break;
case 1:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("☺"));
break;
case 2:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F607")); //smiling face with halo
break;
case 3:
switch (r.Next(9))
{
case 0:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("❤")); //normal heart, usually rendered red
break;
case 1:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F9E1")); //orange heart
break;
case 2:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F49B")); //yellow heart
break;
case 3:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F49A")); //green heart
break;
case 4:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F499")); //blue heart
break;
case 5:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F49C")); //purple heart
break;
case 6:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F90E")); //brown heart
break;
case 7:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F5A4")); //black heart
break;
case 8:
message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F90D")); //white heart
break;
}
break;
}
#pragma warning restore 4014
}
}
}
}

3
externalProcess.cs
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@ -5,6 +5,7 @@ using System.Diagnostics;
using System.IO;
using System.Text;
using System.Text.RegularExpressions;
using Newtonsoft.Json;
namespace silverworker_discord
{
@ -59,7 +60,7 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
errorFilename = $"{dumpDir}/error{i}.err";
}
File.WriteAllText(outputFilename, outputData.ToString());
File.WriteAllText(errorFilename, errorFilename.ToString());
File.WriteAllText(errorFilename, JsonConvert.SerializeObject(e, Formatting.Indented));
return false;
}
return true;

42
jokes.txt Normal file
View File

@ -0,0 +1,42 @@
I got a joke for you: wealth trickles down.
Why did the celebrity egg start losing her friends? They called her a shell-out.
What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
The best time on a watch is 6:30, hands down. (ask your parents, young ones)
What killed the painter? He had too many strokes
Artists know how to draw the line, so you can’t really peer pressure them.
Why did the hand cross the road? To get to the secondhand store.
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they're shellfish
I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
What did the fish say when it ran into a wall? Dam.
What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
Don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
I don't trust stairs. They're up to something.
What did the teacher do with the students report on cheese? Grated it.
What do you call a man with no legs and arms in a pool? Bob.
I was going to tell a joke about hammers but ...I don't think I'll nail it
why did the can recycler quit his job? because it was so depressing.
They told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.
When I was a child, I threw a boomerang, but it didn't come back. I live in constant fear.
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.
I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"
Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.
Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop? (ask your parents, young ones)
I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.
A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.
If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot of vodka. The bartender said, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.’
A blind man walked into a bar. and a table. and a chair.
How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”

112
twitchery.cs
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@ -1,112 +0,0 @@
using System;
using System.Linq;
using System.Net;
using System.Text;
using System.Threading.Tasks;
using Newtonsoft.Json;
namespace silverworker_discord
{
//replace me with a proper twitch interface
public class twitchery
{
public static async Task twitcherize(string type, string subData)
{
string purchaser, action;
switch (type)
{
case "reward-request":
await CustomReward(subData);
break;
case "subscription":
purchaser = subData.Split("•")[0].Trim();
action = subData.Split("•")[1].Trim();
var subObj = JsonConvert.SerializeObject(new{
purchaserUsername = purchaser,
actionData = action
}, Formatting.None);
if (action == "Subscribed with Prime")
{
await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/primeFreshSub", subObj);
}
else if (action.StartsWith("Resubscribed with Prime."))
{
await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/primeResub", subObj);
}
else if (action.StartsWith("Gifted "))
{
await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/giftSub", subObj);
}
else if (action.StartsWith("Subscribed for"))
{
await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/rawSub", subObj);
}
else if (action.StartsWith("Resubscribed for"))
{
await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/rawResub", subObj);
}
break;
case "follow":
await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/follow", subData.Split("•")[0].Trim());
break;
case "monetary":
await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/cheer", JsonConvert.SerializeObject(new{
purchaserUsername = subData.Split("•")[0].Trim(),
actionData = subData.Split("•")[1].Trim()
}, Formatting.None));
break;
case "raiding":
string partySizeStr = subData.Split("•")[1].Trim().Split(' ').Last();
int partySize = -1;
int.TryParse(partySizeStr, out partySize);
await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/raid", JsonConvert.SerializeObject(new{
raidLeader = subData.Split("•")[0].Trim(),
partySize = partySize
}, Formatting.None));
break;
default:
await UnhandledRedemption(type, subData);
break;
}
}
private static async Task CustomReward(string redemptionData)
{
var components = redemptionData.Split("•");
Console.WriteLine($"{components.Length} components:");
var rewardName = components[0].Trim();
var redeemer = components[1].Trim();
var textData = "";
if (components[1].Contains(":"))
{
redeemer = components[1].Substring(0, components[1].IndexOf(":")).Trim();
textData = components[1].Substring(components[1].IndexOf(":")).Trim();
}
Console.WriteLine($"user: {redeemer} redeems {rewardName}, text data? {textData}");
var redemptionSerialized = JsonConvert.SerializeObject(new
{
redeemer = redeemer,
rewardName = rewardName,
textData = textData
}, Formatting.None);
await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/redeemReward", redemptionSerialized);
}
private static async Task UnhandledRedemption(params string[] data)
{
await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/unhandledRedemption", JsonConvert.SerializeObject(data, Formatting.None));
}
private static async Task post(string endpoint, string body)
{
byte[] sendable = Encoding.ASCII.GetBytes(body);
var wr = WebRequest.Create(endpoint);
wr.Method = "POST";
wr.ContentType = "application/json";
wr.ContentLength = sendable.Length;
using (var postStream = wr.GetRequestStream())
{
postStream.Write(sendable);
}
await wr.GetResponseAsync();
}
}
}