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100% of interactions with phones are miserable

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and infuriating.

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And I don't mean other people on social

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media, I mean smartphones themselves.

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Let me share with you my UX Design

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Manifesto.

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Ready?

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Are you all prepared to take notes?

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Get out of the user's fucking way!

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Thank you for attending my TED Talk, video over.

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No, alright, I'll elaborate.

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There is, or could be, technology that exists

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to be a means to an end.

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Instead, software in CurrentYear

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is entirely an exercise and being an obstacle.

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I'll break it down to some rules.

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Software is a means to an end.

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But app developers think they're crafting an experience.

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They want to increase the time spent in an app.

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I assume this is favorable for ad revenue metrics.

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For those of us who actually do things,

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an app is a tool.

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And a tool is better when it decreases

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the time it takes to get shit done.

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Take, for example, Discord.

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They've given themselves loads of work to produce

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features to justify asking you for money.

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Meanwhile, it only exists in the first place

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because Skype was bloated full of junk.

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All the extra stuff makes the app slower.

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I get it.

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Groceries and servers are expensive.

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Nevertheless, their addiction to progress is harming their

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product.

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The entire world of technology is mislabeled.

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The definition of technology is about applying knowledge

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to achieve practical goals.

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It's far more profitable to hide the fact

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that your only actual goal is extracting value

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from the people who ostensibly should be your

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customers.

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That's why the only practical goal to achieve

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at the moment is adversarial APIs.

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We don't need yet another skin on your

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phone's built-in music player.

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We need the possibility for your phone to

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install new audio codecs and an ecosystem of it.

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Accursed Farms has inspiration on how to build

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better UIs.

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“It should be like a butler that's ready

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at a moment's notice and disappears when you

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don't need them anymore.”

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“Yeah, like that.”

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“Perfect.”

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Let's learn the lesson that Clippy's

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project managers didn't.

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We already anthropomorphize our technology.

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We should spend less effort having it pretend

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to be our friend and more effort making

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it useful.

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Do what you can and know less.

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This one is a well-known one from

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our predecessors.

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Greybeards from before even myself.

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They said that the Linux way is to

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do only one thing and do it well.

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Or as the world's favorite libertarian would say,

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Never half-ass two things.

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Whole-ass one thing.

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Example, GPS.

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You know why people put up with Google's

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tracking?

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Because for as much dumb bullshit as Waze

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is laden with, for as wrong as Apple

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is, and for as much as Google Maps

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is a thinly veiled excuse for Google to

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catalog your GPS position down to the meter

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and second, those three are the only apps that

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offer driving directions and 

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understand the concept of a road.

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Keep left onto exit 28 and toward

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I-395 north, Providence then in 50 feet.

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Keep right.

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Keep right onto exit 28 and toward

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I-395 north, Providence then in 50 feet.

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Again, what is the function of a GPS app?

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To tell you where you are and how

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to get somewhere.

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So the concept of a street map and

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navigation app that doesn't understand the concept of

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a street and therefore is effectively unable to

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navigate it is absurd.

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Do what you can and no more.

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Again, focus on your function.

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Whole-ass one thing.

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Confucius said, To go beyond is as wrong

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as to fall short.

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Or if you prefer, Dr. Ian Malcolm said,

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“Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or

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not they could, they didn't stop to think

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if they should.”

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So ask.

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Should you?

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For example, keyboards on laptops.

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My laptop, much like every single other laptop

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I have ever seen within the last 15

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years, is the least bad design I could

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find.

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Laptop keyboards are universally moronic.

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As a person who understands the concept of

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a file, I habitually save often.

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Looking at my keyboard, the place where many

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years of muscle memory have trained me to

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hit the control key, there's an Fn key

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instead, and the control key is moved over

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to where I expect the Windows key.

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Function plus S is screenshot.

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Cinnamon's screenshot app has a white flash effect,

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so I flashbang myself often.

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Apparently, if you design a laptop keyboard, a

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prerequisite is some kind of brain damage that

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makes you think people want all kinds of

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bullshit instead of the keys on a keyboard.

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Fortunately, mine was able to be set once

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to let the keys do what they're supposed

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to do.

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However, on my black keyboard, illuminated by my

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mostly black screen with a couple of points

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of extremely bright LEDs, I can see the

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unnecessary functions white labels, and the actual F

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key labels have a dark blue one.

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No one wants to chat with your AI.

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The current state of the art of quote

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-unquote AI manages to both not do what

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it should do and do so much more

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stuff rather than what it should.

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But it's such a problem, it deserves to

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be ranted about for a million and first time.

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Microsoft being so large that they have so

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much money that they taught us you're allowed

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to just buy a nuclear power plant,

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of course is sinking all of their money and

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none of their brain power into the current

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thing everyone hates.

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“Have you heard the tale of Clippy?”

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Way back, some cutting-edge psychological research was

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done that demonstrated people anthropomorphize their computers and

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hate them like they would hate a person.

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“But then the great mistake was made, which

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is, well, if people react to computers as

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though they're people, we have to put the

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faces of people on computers, which in my

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opinion is exactly the incorrect reaction.”

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“If people are going to react to computers

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as though they're humans, the one thing you

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don't have to do is anthropomorphize them 

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because they're already using that part of the brain.”

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“Clippy...

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was a program based on the research

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that Nass and Reeves did and it was

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a tragic misinterpretation of their work.”

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So some cufflink-wearing motherfuckers said, great, people

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will emotionally connect with their computer more favorably

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if we anthropomorphize it.

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Now you start up your word processor and

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it jumps in the way to say hi

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and chat about how it can interfere.

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Fortunately, Clippy was killed off pretty quickly.

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As long as people are projecting a personality

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onto their computer, we hated Clippy as intensely

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as we'd hate any other pest.

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And of course, there are some people who

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felt the opposite.

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I'll leave a link in the show notes

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to an erotic fan fiction starring Clippy that

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you can actually buy.

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Microsoft eventually came to their senses

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and euthanized Clippy.

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Then a few years later, they bought Halo.

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Once that story concluded, some idiot at Microsoft

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figured they could try again to make Clippy

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happen as Cortana.

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Years pass.

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The most glorified Markov chain in the world

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conquers society.

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Cortana is dead.

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Now Microsoft will make you love Copilot.

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Remember how they tripped over their own dick

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right out of the gate by starting at

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step one with a feature that automatically screenshots

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your credit card details and passwords?

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Oh, good times.

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Recently, they're preparing to roll it out again,

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this time assuring us it's opt-in only.

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Given their track record of accidentally forgetting that

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a user didn't opt in, I don't think

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anyone's going to be surprised when they forget

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again.

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Work with the user.

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As opposed to against the user.

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Honestly, it's amazing how much is out there

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working against the user, but still has users.

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The dominant social networks are all infamous for

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messing with your timeline.

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The timeline is their whole function.

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But I've already complained about that.

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question: how do you automate your phone?

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If you try and do some research online,

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both sides of the walled gardens have a

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plethora of stupid ways to decrease your productivity

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of automating other stuff from your phone.

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But since your phone is the nexus of

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your security and identity, you aren't allowed to

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let anything go poking around in it.

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So there is almost no concept of automating

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a phone.

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And therefore, you'll have to pull up Davx

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and hit refresh manually.

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You're begrudgingly allowed to install apps without Google's

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or Apple's blessing through third-party app stores,

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but you may not automatically update them.

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Because no one likes ads, if you're a

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professional marketer, you market yourself on the grounds

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that you can make a stronger impression, which

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means making your ads more intrusive.

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Everyone hates ads.

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Everyone hates pop-up ads much more because

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they pop up.

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I would have thought this was obvious both

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experientially and tautologically.

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And yet...

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So in the extremely rare event that a

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person searches the wider internet for something to

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buy, and the even more rare event that

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they find a good result, they might read

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the webpage.

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Imagine the audacity it takes to stop someone

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from trying to give you money to ask

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them to participate in some extraneous junk.

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Get out of here.

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The Digital Markets Act of 2022 in the

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EU granted advertising corporations the right to view

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the data they've generated, the right to take

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their data to other platforms.

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In other words, big tech gatekeepers don't get

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to lay claim to advertisers and treat them

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like property.

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It demonstrates we all know interoperability is great

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and enclosure is bad, but only shareholders, people

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don't get the same.

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When making a useful tool, interoperability is the

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most important thing.

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Before praising AI, before praising the iPhone, society

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loved that the internet connected everyone together.

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We had a futurist optimism that ideas and

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communication could flow, making the world a better

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place and building great things.

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That didn't happen though.

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Now when you try to get two technologies

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to work together, they do what they can

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to inhibit you.

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Gmail does not like when you try to

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use a different mail client, perhaps one with

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a working spam filter.

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Cars used to be forced to use a

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standard headlight, but naturally that was lobbied to

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death.

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Be transparent.

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They say knowledge is power, which explains why

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businesses obfuscate as much as possible from their

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users.

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Ask any doctor how much anything costs, they

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don't know.

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Ask any mechanic how much something would cost,

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they don't know.

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Yet they expect you to agree to be

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on the hook to pay an amount they'll

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decide later.

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Hidden information is bad.

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Software should have observability for itself during development,

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and you might as well provide that same

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observability to your users while you're at it.

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00:10:50,066 --> 00:10:52,700
Apple says phones just work, so the world

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keeps the faith.

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When something doesn't work, if there are logs,

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00:10:56,283 --> 00:10:57,433
good luck finding them.

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00:10:57,616 --> 00:10:59,350
On a real computer, if the whole thing

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00:10:59,350 --> 00:11:01,650
is foobar, you can reformat and start from

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00:11:01,650 --> 00:11:02,283
scratch.

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00:11:02,400 --> 00:11:04,850
If your Emacs configuration is out of control,

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you can do the same.

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Declare Emacs bankruptcy.

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00:11:08,616 --> 00:11:10,250
But if your phone appears to be haunted,

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00:11:11,016 --> 00:11:12,983
shrug, throw it in the trash, and buy

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00:11:12,983 --> 00:11:13,700
a new one.

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Let's not retread what Apple hath wrought against

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the right to repair.

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00:11:18,816 --> 00:11:21,166
Security theater has a lot of overlap with

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00:11:21,166 --> 00:11:22,100
other problems.

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00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:24,800
Most often, lying about security is the excuse

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00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,100
for user hostility.

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00:11:26,550 --> 00:11:28,716
Surely I don't have to remind you that

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00:11:28,716 --> 00:11:31,116
flying is a nightmare, almost entirely for one

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00:11:31,116 --> 00:11:34,750
reason, the TSA, which is undeniably purely security

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00:11:34,750 --> 00:11:35,350
theater.

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00:11:35,583 --> 00:11:37,816
Meanwhile, in the US, where the shoe bomber

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00:11:37,816 --> 00:11:39,516
was headed for all the effort they put

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00:11:39,516 --> 00:11:41,566
into telling you that their petty rituals of

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00:11:41,566 --> 00:11:43,666
dominance are for your protection, they missed

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00:11:43,666 --> 00:11:45,683
70% of test weapons.

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00:11:45,983 --> 00:11:48,466
In 2008, when the TSA felt they weren't

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00:11:48,466 --> 00:11:50,966
getting the respect they entitled themselves to, they

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00:11:50,966 --> 00:11:53,700
switched their uniforms to look exactly like police

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00:11:53,700 --> 00:11:54,550
officers.

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00:11:54,766 --> 00:11:58,150
Okay, TSA tangent over, back to nerd shit.

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00:11:58,683 --> 00:12:00,950
Websites are afraid of DDoS attacks.

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00:12:01,150 --> 00:12:03,250
A web server is a fallible thing that

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00:12:03,250 --> 00:12:04,516
can only deliver so much.

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00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:07,283
But that isn't why a disgusting number of

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00:12:07,283 --> 00:12:10,050
websites block VPNs, as evidenced by the fact

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00:12:10,050 --> 00:12:12,166
that they give you a professionally styled front

322
00:12:12,166 --> 00:12:14,000
-end web page saying they'll let you read

323
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:14,966
if you sign in.

324
00:12:15,516 --> 00:12:17,800
Conform to known paradigms.

325
00:12:18,116 --> 00:12:19,766
You know how a save icon is a

326
00:12:19,766 --> 00:12:20,583
floppy disk?

327
00:12:20,683 --> 00:12:22,583
That type of storage media is so old,

328
00:12:22,683 --> 00:12:24,050
I bet if you're listening to this, you

329
00:12:24,050 --> 00:12:25,416
physically can't use it.

330
00:12:25,783 --> 00:12:27,350
But the association has stuck.

331
00:12:27,783 --> 00:12:29,416
You know how on mobile, the menu of

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00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:32,616
all your options is probably three parallel horizontal

333
00:12:32,616 --> 00:12:34,966
lines, aka the hamburger menu?

334
00:12:35,250 --> 00:12:37,850
Another association that everyone just went with.

335
00:12:38,116 --> 00:12:40,100
IRL, this extends much further.

336
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:42,850
Red light means stop, green light means go.

337
00:12:43,383 --> 00:12:44,600
So when you have an action that could

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00:12:44,600 --> 00:12:46,516
be destructive, you color code it red.

339
00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:49,116
And when something is constructive, you color code

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00:12:49,116 --> 00:12:49,583
it green.

341
00:12:50,166 --> 00:12:52,100
These associations are arbitrary.

342
00:12:52,416 --> 00:12:53,983
But since they're there, we keep them.

343
00:12:54,516 --> 00:12:55,350
Can you touch type?

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00:12:55,716 --> 00:12:58,166
Imagine I presented you with a blank keyboard.

345
00:12:58,166 --> 00:13:00,200
You'd still be able to type due to

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00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,550
a lifetime of training.

347
00:13:01,616 --> 00:13:05,050
Prime example, recent episode of LTT had them

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00:13:05,050 --> 00:13:07,200
forcing Android on some iPhone users.

349
00:13:07,716 --> 00:13:10,000
To summarize, there's a circle with a symbol

350
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:13,116
in it, and surprise, it doesn't respond to

351
00:13:13,116 --> 00:13:15,666
being tapped like every other button it wants

352
00:13:15,666 --> 00:13:16,900
you to drag sideways.

353
00:13:17,216 --> 00:13:19,550
"the camera button on the lock screen." 

354
00:13:19,550 --> 00:13:20,166
“Yeah”

355
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:22,483
“It looks like a button so you go to click it

356
00:13:22,483 --> 00:13:23,766
and nothing would happen."

357
00:13:23,766 --> 00:13:26,466
"to me, if you want somebody to swipe,

358
00:13:26,466 --> 00:13:27,766
you do something that makes

359
00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:29,066
it look like you go to swipe.

360
00:13:29,066 --> 00:13:30,666
It's a meme that we've all learned.

361
00:13:30,750 --> 00:13:32,333
If something is wrong, you press it.”

362
00:13:32,333 --> 00:13:34,600
Allow customization.

363
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:36,383
There's a wise comment

364
00:13:36,383 --> 00:13:38,283
 on that Accursed Farms video.

365
00:13:38,983 --> 00:13:41,733
“coming back to this now that windows 11 is out...

366
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:44,500
imagine being able to move the taskbar.

367
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:47,183
we had no idea how good we had it back then.”

368
00:13:47,533 --> 00:13:50,366
Why can't you move the taskbar in Windows 11

369
00:13:50,366 --> 00:13:52,233
so that it can look like OSX.

370
00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:55,200
What is the only rationalization that Apple investors

371
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:57,233
have been giving for Apple's success?

372
00:13:57,416 --> 00:14:00,466
That Apple has good taste in interface design.

373
00:14:00,683 --> 00:14:03,083
Apple insists that their UX is good because

374
00:14:03,083 --> 00:14:05,083
of the decisions they've made for it.

375
00:14:05,316 --> 00:14:07,600
“We're trying to make great products for people.”

376
00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,766
When Apple speaks, the rest of the world

377
00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:10,350
obeys.

378
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,916
So customization options are viewed as less and

379
00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:13,716
less important.

380
00:14:14,216 --> 00:14:16,816
Not to mention, if you're stopped from customization,

381
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:19,250
for example, modding in some armor for your

382
00:14:19,250 --> 00:14:21,366
horse, now it's something that can be sold

383
00:14:21,366 --> 00:14:22,333
to you instead.

384
00:14:22,766 --> 00:14:25,650
Companies love to dumb everything down, and in

385
00:14:25,650 --> 00:14:28,083
response to criticism, blame it on a hypothetical

386
00:14:28,083 --> 00:14:30,833
group of lowest common denominator people.

387
00:14:31,216 --> 00:14:32,916
This way, you're not presented with the ability

388
00:14:32,916 --> 00:14:33,966
to customize.

389
00:14:33,966 --> 00:14:35,300
It's moved behind a paywall.

390
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:38,350
But the whole premise that customization is inessential

391
00:14:38,350 --> 00:14:39,500
is wrong.

392
00:14:39,816 --> 00:14:41,783
Normal is not a valid target.

393
00:14:41,950 --> 00:14:44,000
The Air Force learned this in the 40s.

394
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:48,166
“At its worst point, 17 pilots crashed in a single day.”

395
00:14:48,166 --> 00:14:51,283
“After multiple inquiries ended with no answers,

396
00:14:51,283 --> 00:14:54,850
officials turned their attention to the design of the cockpit itself.”

397
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:57,950
“To obtain an updated assessment of pilot dimensions,

398
00:14:57,950 --> 00:15:00,216
the air force authorized the largest study of

399
00:15:00,216 --> 00:15:02,250
pilots that had ever been undertaken.”

400
00:15:02,250 --> 00:15:04,800
“Out of 4,063 pilots,

401
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,533
not a single airman fit within the

402
00:15:06,533 --> 00:15:08,900
average range on all 10 dimensions.

403
00:15:08,900 --> 00:15:12,000
If you’ve designed a cockpit to fit the average pilot,

404
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,583
you’ve actually designed it to fit no one.”

405
00:15:14,583 --> 00:15:17,283
And finally, a short list of features that

406
00:15:17,283 --> 00:15:19,483
you know goddamn well no one wants.

407
00:15:19,483 --> 00:15:21,566
No one wants to sign up for your

408
00:15:21,566 --> 00:15:22,000
newsletter.

409
00:15:22,300 --> 00:15:24,150
You aren't interesting enough to fill one out.

410
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:26,950
Just get the stupid notification out of the way.

411
00:15:27,250 --> 00:15:29,800
Scrolling is not an experience

412
00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:31,650
every vehicle website ever.

413
00:15:32,183 --> 00:15:34,850
Onboarding is at best a necessary evil.

414
00:15:35,483 --> 00:15:39,000
The worst UX anti-pattern emerged a while ago.

415
00:15:39,083 --> 00:15:42,016
It picks a permitted subset of functionality, moves

416
00:15:42,016 --> 00:15:44,100
it away from anywhere it could interoperate with

417
00:15:44,100 --> 00:15:47,350
other systems, entitles itself to priority over what

418
00:15:47,350 --> 00:15:49,100
you're trying to look at so it can

419
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,400
be in front of your eyeballs.

420
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:53,700
It's everything people hate about pop-up ads,

421
00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:56,316
but so commonly done that it gets enshrined

422
00:15:56,316 --> 00:15:57,616
in UI libraries.

423
00:15:58,016 --> 00:15:59,966
The floating action button.

424
00:16:00,683 --> 00:16:02,483
It's a software screen notch.

425
00:16:02,866 --> 00:16:04,816
The pinnacle of getting in the way.

426
00:16:12,066 --> 00:16:15,566
So, again, get out of the user's way.