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voice acting #2

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opened 2025-03-27 13:00:08 -04:00 by adam · 2 comments
adam commented 2025-03-27 13:00:08 -04:00
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adam referenced this issue from a commit 2025-04-25 15:10:10 -04:00
VO draft 1
adam commented 2025-04-25 16:35:27 -04:00
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sent revision request:

  • "my laptop, much like every single other laptop I have ever seen within the last 15 years, is the least-bad design I could find." the stress is on "least", can we get stress on "bad"? it's not the worst, it's the least bad. if that makes sense
  • the read of "hah, good times." is absolutely perfect, in isolation. But the previous line is neutral, so it's a bit jarring. can we get a read of "with a feature that automatically screenshots your credit card details and passwords? hah, good times." that transitions more smoothly
  • "So in the extremely rare event that a person the wider internet for something to buy," - i accidentally a word. can we get "So in the extremely rare event that a person searches the wider internet for something to buy,"
  • line 210, this bit: "...there's a circle with a symbol in it, and surprise! it doesn't respond to being tapped like every other button, it wants you to drag sideways." need a read of "Surprise!" (and the rest to the end of that line) that conveys that it's a bad surprise. it's a section on paradigmatic conformity, after all
sent revision request: > * "my laptop, much like every single other laptop I have ever seen within the last 15 years, is the least-bad design I could find." the stress is on "least", can we get stress on "bad"? it's not the worst, it's the least bad. if that makes sense > * the read of "hah, good times." is absolutely perfect, in isolation. But the previous line is neutral, so it's a bit jarring. can we get a read of "with a feature that automatically screenshots your credit card details and passwords? hah, good times." that transitions more smoothly > * "So in the extremely rare event that a person the wider internet for something to buy," - i accidentally a word. can we get "So in the extremely rare event that a person searches the wider internet for something to buy," > * line 210, this bit: "...there's a circle with a symbol in it, and surprise! it doesn't respond to being tapped like every other button, it wants you to drag sideways." need a read of "Surprise!" (and the rest to the end of that line) that conveys that it's a bad surprise. it's a section on paradigmatic conformity, after all
adam commented 2025-04-25 20:11:14 -04:00
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received update ✅

received update ✅
adam closed this issue 2025-04-25 20:11:14 -04:00
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Reference: beefhavers/ux-manifesto#2
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