get the app get the app get the app

see #12
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script artifacts/script.md

@@ -10,11 +10,6 @@ Thank you for attending my ted talk, video over.
 
 ## windows
 
-[//TODO: screenshots, or mockup, or cut this paragraph]
-You know what finally tipped me over the edge to give up on windows, even if that meant PC gaming went with it?
-I was playing warframe, and then windows 10 popped up a full screen ad - on a monitor I couldn't see at the time - that told me "you said you'd sign up for a trial of our cloud bullshit now." I couldn't figure out why the game had ostensibly frozen until I walked around my apartment to sit back at my desk and read this ad, and as ever communicate one of the microsoft-sanctioned responses of "yes I would love to right now" or "yes I would love to but not right now".
-No flavor of linux has ever pulled a stunt like that. 
-
 [//TODO: find this meme.]
 there's a joke about how microsoft shoved windows 11 (and also 10) down everyone's throats, then popped up a window in their way to ask if they would recommend windows to a friend? the joke for socially well-adjusted, normal people is: "I need you to understand that people don't recommend each other operating systems." That applies, for them. But for nerds who are currently staring at several screens running several different flavors of linux... People do. But the people who do... understand how terrible windows is, and the myriad of ways it's only getting worse. 
 [note] Speaking of, don't worry, I don't (presently) have plans to evangelize for my favorite operating system.

script-altVO.txt

@@ -1,13 +0,0 @@
-But then the great mistake was made, which was: well if people react to computers as though they're people, we have to put the faces of people on computers. Which in my opinion is exactly the incorrect reaction. If people are going to react to computers as though they're humans, the one thing you don't have to do is anthropomorphize them, because they're already using that part of the brain. Clippy was a program based on the research that Nass and Reeves did, and it was a tragic misinterpretation of their work."
-"i don't provide the weather, only help with the documentation"
-It's time to stop!
-keyboards are obsolete, just talk.
-`/bb|[^b]{2}/`.
-people are bad at regexes, so regexes are bad.
-duck off
-you piece or spit
-something to the effect of "i just work on my config"
-"oh, whoops!" "whoopsie!"
-coming back to this now that windows 11 is out...  imagine being able to move the taskbar.  we had no idea how good we had it back then.
-we're trying to make great products for people!
-the quote is very long

script-primaryVO.txt

@@ -1,182 +0,0 @@
-
-Let me share with you my UX design manifesto.
-ready? Are you all prepared to take notes?
-**Get out of the user's fucking way.**
-Thank you for attending my ted talk, video over.
-
-...no alright, I'll elaborate. There is, or could be, technology that exists to be a means to an end. Instead, software in $CurrentYear is entirely an exercise in being an obstacle.
-
-
-You know what finally tipped me over the edge to give up on windows, even if that meant PC gaming went with it?
-I was playing warframe, and then windows 10 popped up a full screen ad - on a monitor I couldn't see at the time - that told me "you said you'd sign up for a trial of our cloud bullshit now." I couldn't figure out why the game had ostensibly frozen until I walked around my apartment to sit back at my desk and read this ad, and as ever communicate one of the microsoft-sanctioned responses of "yes I would love to right now" or "yes I would love to but not right now".
-No flavor of linux has ever pulled a stunt like that. 
-
-there's a joke about how microsoft shoved windows 11 (and also 10) down everyone's throats, then popped up a window in their way to ask if they would recommend windows to a friend? the joke for socially well-adjusted, normal people is: "I need you to understand that people don't recommend each other operating systems." That applies, for them. But for nerds who are currently staring at several screens running several different flavors of linux... People do. But the people who do... understand how terrible windows is, and the myriad of ways it's only getting worse. 
-
-
-have you heard the tale of Clippy?
-Way back, in the before times, some cutting-edge psychological research was done that demonstrated people anthropomorphize their computers.
-So some cufflink-wearing motherfucker said "great, people will emotionally attach to their computer more if we anthropomorphize them." 
-So now you start up your word processor and it jumps in the way to say hi and chat about how it can interfere.
-Fortunately, clippy was killed off pretty quickly. As long as people are projecting a personality onto their computer, we hated clippy as intensely as we'd hate any other pest. And of course there are some people who felt the opposite, I'll leave a link in the show notes to an erotic fan fiction starring clippy that you can actually buy.
-
-Microsoft eventually came to their senses and euthanized clippy. Then a few years later, they bought Halo. Once that story concluded, some idiot at microsoft figured they could try again to make clippy happen, as Cortana. The arms race between users trying to disable cortana and microsoft "accidentally" reenabling her could be its own video.
-years pass, the most glorified markov chain in the world, chatGPT, conqueres society.
-Cortana is dead. 
-Now, microsoft will make you love Copilot. 
-Remember how they tripped over their own dick right out of the gate by starting at step 1 with a feature that automatically screenshots your credit card details and passwords? 
-hah, good times.
-
-at the risk of making yet another complaining-about-Ai video... indulge me one last tangent.
-openweathermap.org has a chatbot. 
-FUCKING... WHY? so that I can look past the weather forecast and ask it to tell me?
-...let's try it.
-THE PERFUNCTORY CHATBOT ON THE WEATHER SITE DOESN'T EVEN TELL YOU THE GOD. DAMNED. WEATHER.
-
-
-my laptop, much like every single other laptop I have ever seen within the last 15 years, is the least-bad design I could find. Laptop keyboards are universally moronic. looking at mine, the place where too many years of muscle memory have trained me to hit the ctrl key, there’s an "fn" key instead, and the ctrl key is moved over to where the windows key is. fn + s is screenshot. apparently, if you design a laptop keyboard, a prerequisite is some kind of brain damage that makes you think people want all kinds of bullshit instead of the keys on a keyboard. often, device manuals *advertise* that the f-keys don’t do the f-key function. Fortunately, mine was able to be set once to let the keys do what they’re supposed to. However, on my black keyboard illuminated by my mostly black screen with a couple of points of extremely bright LEDs, I can see the unnecessary functions' white labels, and the actual f key labels have a dark blue one. I get the impression including the real labels was a begrudging concession. 
-
-
-as bad as desktop interfaces are, phones are the worst. 100% of interactions with phones are miserable and infuriating. And that's before thinking about interactions with people on social media, I mean the hardware and the apps. 
-But let's not retread who and why, let's focus on the what it is about phones that makes you wish for a real computer.
-
-
-typing on a phone, need I say more?
-
-
-
-Yeah? Spell this regex:
-
-
-I think you mean chatGPT is bad at regexes. If you apply some effort to understand them, they're great.
-
-
-
-GPS.
-you know why people put up with google's tracking? because for as much dumb bullshit as waze is laden with, for as wrong as apple is, and for as much as google maps is a thinly veiled excuse for google to catalog your gps position down to the meter and second... those 3 are the only apps that offer driving directions and understand the concept of a road.
-
-
-the vast majority of apps do not need to give notifications. Honestly the vast majority of mobile apps don't need to exist at all, but I can only argue that case-by-case.
-
-
-question: how do you automate your phone? if you try and do some research online, both sides of the walled gardens have a *plethora* of stupid ways to decrease your productivity of automating *other* stuff *from* your phone. But since your phone is the nexus of your security and identity, you aren't allowed to let anything go poking around in it.
-So there is almost *no* concept of "automating a phone".
-And therefore you'll have to pull up DAVx and hit refresh, manually.
-You're begrudgingly allowed to install apps without google's blessing through 3rd party app stores, but you may not automatically update them.
-Worst of all: companies have fully embraced the trend that while they aren't capable of crafting a concise UI with the benefit of a full size screen... surely they'll get it right this time in a harder environment? So companies tend to tell you not to use their website, but instead to use their mobile app.
-
-
-Debugging.
-I mentioned my DAVx problem a second ago. Clearly something is wrong with my installation. What, though? fuck knows.
-Apple says phones "just work", so the world keeps the faith. When something doesn't work, if there are logs, good luck finding them. On a real computer, if the whole thing is completely fucked, you can reformat and start from scratch. If your emacs configuration is out of control, you can do the same - "declare emacs bankruptcy". 
-But if your phone appears to be haunted?
-Throw it in the trash and buy a new one.
-
-
-there's a joke that millenials (and gen-z-ers) have to teach boomers how to open a PDF. But apple-loyalty is most rampant among these generations - I dare you to try this exercise.  Bring up your preferred communications-with-strangers app (e.g., X). 
-Dismiss the patch notes. Find an image you'd like to interact with later. Maybe you want to draw on it. maybe you just want to send it as is. Download it. where is it?
-
-fuck knows. So good luck finding it to bring into your editor. For the sake of lip-service to the concept of security, much work has been done to ensure apps aren't allowed to share files.
-In exchange for the twin downsides of "virtually every app is pointless" and "a truly useful app is prevented from existing", we have accomplished nothing in the way of privacy.
-
-Ogg Vorbis *continues* to be superior to mp3. More fidelity. More efficient compression. But apple says mp3 is fine, so, rest in peace OGG. 
-you were the O.G.
-...G.
-Don't worry, there's a million billion music player apps for mobile. The only problem is that none of them matter. You know what *would* be great? if you could download an audio codec on the play store, and whatever music player app you like could use it. 
-But that would require apps to work on the old paradigm - where they read and write files, and interact with each other. The modern strategy is not to let the user control their files. that way when the platform owner decides they want to sell your data, they already got it from you.
-
-
-you know why people put up with google dictating your experience to maximize your diet of ads? because here's the alternative.
-Firefox on the desktop is the last web browser that was a Great Thing. Up until recently, they were trying to preserve at least some of that.
-Firefox on mobile is absolutely not making any such attempt.  It does what all the other mobile apps are doing: once a day it abuses its notification privileges to advertise to you; "hey come back and run the app again". It frequently updates its UI (to feed its progress addiction), it collects user data. Worst of all, they *had* and then **removed** plugin support. If an adblocker is necessary to browse the web, it's even more necessary to browse the web on mobile. We should all think less of the mozilla foundation for the 2020 change. 
-(fortunately they were sufficiently pressured to walk back their mistake.)
-
-
-The worst UX antipattern emerged a while ago.
-It picks a permitted subset of functionality, moves it away from anywhere it could interoperate with other systems, entitles itself to priority over what you're trying to look at, so it can be in front of your eyeballs. 
-It's everything people hate about popup ads, but so commonly done that it gets enshrined in UI libraries. The pinnacle of getting in the way. 
-the Floating. Action. Button.
-it's a software screen notch.
-
-
-because no one likes ads, if you're a professional Marketer, you market *yourself* on the grounds that you can make a stronger impression. Which means making your ads more intrusive.
-Everyone hates ads. Everyone hates pop-up ads **much** more, because they pop-up.
-No one has ever googled something, read a random blog's page, and signed up for its newsletter.
-No one has ever opened their phone's music player or GPS app and read the patch notes - and I say that as someone who did read the patch notes for skullgirls, and always reads EULAs. It's almost funny that they're audacious enough to jump in the way and ask to to read two thousand words about the changes they're very proud of getting 2/3rds of the way done before release, that 2/3rds of their users don't want and 2/3rds don't understand. you're trying to *do* something, if there was ever a time you would read their patch notes, it's not at startup.
-
-
-These apps don't think they're a means to an end. They think they're an ℯ𝓍𝓅ℯ𝓇𝒾ℯ𝓃𝒸ℯ. 
-They want to *increase* the time spent in an app. I assume this is favorable for ad revenue metrics. For those of us who actually do things, an app is a tool, and a tool is better when it *decreases* the time it takes to get shit done.
-
-take for example, Discord. They've given themselves loads of work to produce features other than real time chat, to justify asking you for money. Meanwhile it only exists in the first place because skype was bloated full of junk, and it only persists because their userbase refuses to use Matrix.
-
-Notice how every search company realizes that every website is overladen with trash, so they offer an "ai summary". If the accuracy ever gets good (it won't), that would be a great way to pull information out of a website without being told to sign in with google so that I can waive my privacy protections for their absolutely unnecessary cookies to then decline to sign up for their newsletter and then tell their chatbot to go find somewhere else to be useless.
-
-The entire world of technology is mislabeled. the definition of technology is about applying knowledge to achieve practical goals. It's far more profitable to hide the fact that your only actual goal is extracting value from the people who ostensibly should be your customers. 
-That's why the only practical goal to achieve at the moment is adversarial APIs. We don't need yet another skin on your phone's built in music player, we need the possibility for your phone to install new audio codecs and an ecosystem of it.
-
-
-Accursed Farms has inspiration on how to build better UIs.
-
-let's learn the lesson that clippy's project managers didn't: we already anthropomorphize our technology, computers don't need to pretend to be human. But to make the language easier, let's still compare your computer to a human assistant. The Igor to our Frankenstein, as it were.
-how would we change our bad assistant into a good one?
-
-
-
-ai investors might tell us that an assistant that can make use of autonomy is better than one that can't. In a vacuum, that's true. But no chatbot is useful, yet. What we have instead, is an "ai" that insists on being in charge of tasks that it isn't capable of. 
-A recurring problem is that as a user, i haven't gained functionality, but I have lost options. Given a human assistant, I would expect it to be able to admit when it isn't capable of something. (that might also be asking too much, but let's stick to technology.) Taking the initiative doesn't count if you screw up.
-Imagine you had a coworker, and when you try to do something, he gets in your way and does it (badly). now you have to spend twice as long because you also have to clean up after your predecessor.
-
-Limit your autonomy to tasks you can handle.
-
-
-
-Above, I complained about DAVx failing mysteriously. I complained about how a file is downloaded to some mysterious location. Hidden information is bad. 
-You should have observability for yourself during development, and you might as well provide that same observability to your users while you're at it.
-
-Be transparent.
-
-
-There's a comment on that accursed farms video from before...
-Why can't you move the taskbar in windows 11? because now it looks like OSX. What is the only rationalization that apple investors have been giving for apple's success? That apple has good taste in interface design. Apple insists that their UX is good because of the decisions they've made for it.
-And when apple says something dumb, the rest of the technology world agrees. so customization options are viewed as less and less important.
-not to mention, if you're stopped from customization, for example modding in some armor for your horse... now it's something that can be sold to you instead.
-Companies love to dumb everything down, and in response to criticism, blame it on a hypothetical group of lowest-common-denominator people. But the whole premise that customization is unimportant is bad. Just ask the air force.
-
-when the user tries to customize, let them.
-
-
-The digital markets act of 2022 in the EU granted advertising corporations with the right to view the data they've generated, the right to take their data to other platforms. In other words, big tech gatekeepers don't get to lay claim to advertisers and treat them like property. It demonstrates we all know interoperability is great and enclosure is bad, but because first and foremost we all have to sacrifice for the shareholders, people don't get the same. 
-However, when making a useful tool, interoperability is the most important thing. Before praising AI, before praising the iPhone, society loved that the internet connected everyone together. We had a futurist optimism that ideas and communication could flow, making the world a better place and building Great Things.
-That didn't happen, though. 
-Now when you try to migrate between technologies, they do what they can to inhibit you.
-
-don't enclose the commons.
-
-
-You know how a save icon is a floppy disk? A type of storage media so old, I bet if you're listening to this you physically can't use it. But the association has stuck.
-You know how on mobile, the menu of all your options is probably 3 parallel, horizontal lines, a.k.a. the hamburger menu? another association that everyone just went with.
-In life, this extends much further. Red light means stop, green light means go. 
-So when you have an action that could be destructive, you color-code it red, and when something is constructive, you color-code it green.
-These associations are abritrary. But since they're there, we keep them.
-Can you touch type? imagine I presented you with a blank keyboard. You'd still be able to type, due to a lifetime of training.
-Suppose you came across a binder full of papers, and only one of them had a border that was diagonal lines of alternating yellow and black. I can safely assume that you would get the impression that one sheet is providing you cautionary information.
-
-So imagine if I brought up, for example, the discord API documentation, in my web browser. And then I pressed the keypress to get to my search bar. And then your static web page, surprisingly, is an active web app that blocks your web browser's interface to have you use their search function. Surely no one would be that stupid. 
-right, discord? surely no one would do that. Right? discord? right?
-
-let's look at a pure html static page with a text field. If a user holds shift, and then navigates, they can highlight text. I've seen this far too many times, let's pick on pinterest. if you hit shift+home, that means highlight the whole field. You have to go through effort to break that, and you shouldn't. You don't have a valid reason to do this, rather than nothing.
-
-conform to known paradigms.
-
-
-and finally, a short list of features that you know goddamn well no one wants.
-no one wants to sign up for your newsletter - you aren't interesting enough to fill one out. Just get the stupid notification out of the way.
-no one wants to chat with your chatbot - if anyone wants to have a conversation, it's with a person, because your technology doesn't work. Get the notification out of the way.
-scrolling is not an ℯ𝓍𝓅ℯ𝓇𝒾ℯ𝓃𝒸ℯ, every vehicle website ever.
-If you want to "customize my experience" before I'm allowed to have one, the answer to all of your questions is "whatever gets you to go fuck yourself".
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