script work

script artifacts/script.md

@@ -6,7 +6,7 @@ ready? Are you all prepared to take notes?
 **Get out of the user's fucking way.**
 Thank you for attending my ted talk.
 
-There is, or could be, technology that exists to be a means to an end. Instead, software in Current Year is entirely an exercise in being a new obstacle.
+There is, or could be, technology that exists to be a means to an end. Instead, software in Current Year is entirely an exercise in being an obstacle.
 
 ## windows
 
@@ -20,24 +20,30 @@ there's a joke about how microsoft shoved windows 11 (and also 10) down everyone
 
 ## phones
 
-as bad as desktop interfaces are, phones are the worst. 100% of interactions with phones are miserable and infuriating. And I don't mean interactions with people on social media, I mean the hardware and the apps. 
+as bad as desktop interfaces are, phones are the worst. "Mobile-first" is a huge red flag.  100% of interactions with phones are miserable and infuriating. And I don't mean interactions with people on social media, I mean the hardware and the apps. 
 [some on screen reference to What Apple Hath Wrought]
-But let's not retread who and why, let's focus on the what.
+But let's not retread who and why, let's focus on the what it is about phones that makes you wish for a real computer.
 
 ### keyboard
 
 Keyboards.
+
+[have the following in a text bubble conversation]
+
 typing on a phone, need I say more?
 
-[other] "keyboards are obsolete, just talk."
+[other] keyboards are obsolete, just talk.
 
-that's stupid. Spell this regex: 
+Yeah? Spell this regex:
+[in text bubble, but not for the VO] `/bb|[^b]{2}/`.
 
-[on screen] `/bb|[^b]{2}/`.
+[other] people are bad at regexes, so regexes are bad.
 
-[other] "regexes considered harmful."
+I think you mean chatGPT is bad at regexes. If you apply some effort to understand them, they're great.
+[on screen: show text "regex", and get the Project Beefhaving Great Thing stamp]
 
-duck off you trend-fixated piece or spit. You may want to throw away superior tools in favor of fresh ones, but no one should spend $1000 on a toy that does nothing more than signal the correct brand loyalty.
+[other] duck off
+[other] piece or spit
 
 ### GPS
 
@@ -54,13 +60,21 @@ the vast majority of apps do not need to give notifications. Honestly the vast m
 
 question: how do you automate your phone? if you try and do some research online, both sides of the walled gardens have a *plethora* of stupid ways to decrease your productivity of automating *other* stuff *from* your phone. But since your phone is the nexus of your security and identity, you aren't allowed to let anything go poking around in it.
 So there is almost *no* concept of "automating a phone".
-And therefore you'll have to pull up DAVx and hit refresh, manually, several times a day.
+And therefore you'll have to pull up DAVx and hit refresh, manually.
 [//TODO: footage]
 You're begrudgingly allowed to install apps without google's blessing through 3rd party app stores, but you may not automatically update them.
 [//TODO: screenshot of update from fdroid]
 Worst of all: companies have fully embraced the trend that while they aren't capable of crafting a concise UI with the benefit of a full size screen... surely they'll get it right this time in a harder environment? So companies tend to unapologetically introduce or update features *only* for their mobile interfaces.
 [//TODO: examples]
 
+### debugging
+
+Debugging.
+I mentioned my DAVx problem a second ago. Clearly something is wrong with my installation. What, though? fuck knows.
+[note] Yes, I have exempted it from battery optimization.
+Apple says phones "just work", so the world keeps the faith. When something doesn't work, if there are logs, good luck finding them. On a real computer, if the whole thing is completely fucked, you can reformat and start from scratch. You can "declare emacs bankruptcy". But if your phone appears to be haunted? Throw it in the trash and buy a new one.
+[footage of latest iPhone pricing]
+
 ### files
 
 there's a joke that millenials (and gen-z-ers) have to teach boomers how to open a PDF. But apple-loyalty is most rampant among them - I dare you to try this exercise.  Bring up your preferred communications-with-strangers app (e.g., X). 
@@ -85,20 +99,40 @@ Firefox on mobile is absolutely not making any such attempt.  It does what all t
 (fortunately they were sufficiently pressured to walk back their mistake.)
 [I think in 2023 they said "ff mobile is getting plugin support". it might be google's antisolution version?]
 
-# fix
+### F.A.B.'s are S.O.B.'s
+
+[volume rising, "O, Fortuna"]
+The worst UX antipattern emerged a while ago.
+[layer diagram. bottom up: software, what you're doing, your attention]
+It picks a permitted subset of functionality, moves it away from anywhere it could interoperate with other systems, entitles itself to priority over what you're trying to look at, so it can be in front of your eyeballs. 
+It's everything people hate about popup ads, but so commonly done that it gets enshrined in UI libraries. The pinnacle of getting in the way. 
+the Floating. Action. Button.
+[O, Fortuna reaches crescendo and full volume]
+[footage of youtube mobile's "play something" FAB]
+[O, Fortuna subtle fade-out]
+it's a software screen notch.
+
+### popups
 
-[//TODO: fact-check - I'm pretty sure I heard they're decreasing in effectiveness? if I'm wrong, it's still safe to say everyone hates ads.]
 because no one likes ads, if you're a professional Marketer, you market *yourself* on the grounds that you can make a stronger impression. Which means making your ads more intrusive.
 Everyone hates ads. Everyone hates pop-up ads **much** more, because they pop-up.
-[note] I thought this was obvious, and yet...
+[note] I thought this was obvious both experientially and tautologically, and yet...
 No one has ever googled something, read a random blog's page, and signed up for its newsletter.
-No one has ever opened their phone's music player or GPS app and read the patch notes - and I say that as someone who did read the patch notes for skullgirls, and always reads EULAs.
+No one has ever opened their phone's music player or GPS app and read the patch notes - and I say that as someone who did read the patch notes for skullgirls, and always reads EULAs. It's almost funny that they're audacious enough to jump in the way and ask to to read two thousand words about the changes they're very proud of getting 2/3rds of the way done before release, that 2/3rds of their users don't want and 2/3rds don't understand. you're trying to *do* something, if there was ever a time you would read their patch notes, it's not at startup.
+
+# where we went wrong
 
 These apps don't think they're a means to an end. They think they're an ℯ𝓍𝓅ℯ𝓇𝒾ℯ𝓃𝒸ℯ. 
 [crash different video: you're taking part in the apple experience, etc]
 They want to *increase* the time spent in an app. I assume this is favorable for ad revenue metrics.
 surely the same app is better when it *decreases* the time it takes to get shit done.
 
-take for example, Discord. They've given themselves loads of work to produce features other than real time chat to justify asking you for money. Meanwhile it only exists because their userbase refuses to use Matrix.
-If I want to upload, caption, and then send you a funny picture, obviously it's bad if "waiting for discord to start" takes a large portion of this time. Worse still if "finding where discord moved the stuff I'm looking for" is significant.
-It's almost funny that they're audacious enough to throw a wrench in this pipeline asking me to read two thousand words about the changes they're very proud of getting 2/3rds of the way done before release, that 2/3rds of their users don't want and 2/3rds don't understand. I'm trying to *do* something, if there was ever a time I would read your patch notes, it's not now.
+take for example, Discord. They've given themselves loads of work to produce features other than real time chat to justify asking you for money. Meanwhile it only exists in the first place because skype was bloated full of junk, and it only persists because their userbase refuses to use Matrix.
+
+Notice how every search company realizes that every website is overladen with trash, so they offer an "ai summary". If the accuracy ever gets good,
+[note] it won't
+
+
+# how to do better
+
+//TODO: who's that guy that did that video, with my beloved quote "no. nononono. not if you're on windows. you can roll around in the dirt with everyone else."