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+1
+00:00:00,233 --> 00:00:01,968
+In the interest of my New Year's resolution
+
+2
+00:00:01,968 --> 00:00:05,005
+to not talk about magic the gathering anymore...
+
+3
+00:00:05,305 --> 00:00:07,307
+let's do a quick one about another formerly
+
+4
+00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:08,808
+beloved magical IP.
+
+5
+00:00:09,209 --> 00:00:11,711
+“How I wish for J.K. Rowling to write more wizard 
+
+6
+00:00:11,711 --> 00:00:13,913
+stories and she wrote Fantastic Beast”
+
+7
+00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:15,582
+This may be a hot take, but the
+
+8
+00:00:15,582 --> 00:00:18,084
+entire Harry Potter universe has an elephant in
+
+9
+00:00:18,084 --> 00:00:20,286
+the room about how its entire plot works.
+
+10
+00:00:20,787 --> 00:00:22,055
+Wizards are dumb.
+
+11
+00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:24,624
+And I don't mean the IP is bad
+
+12
+00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:25,892
+and you shouldn't like it.
+
+13
+00:00:25,892 --> 00:00:27,894
+That's left as an exercise for the reader.
+
+14
+00:00:28,261 --> 00:00:30,864
+I mean the wizarding world is canonically top
+
+15
+00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,433
+to bottom infested with fucking morons.
+
+16
+00:00:34,267 --> 00:00:35,368
+Of course it would be.
+
+17
+00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,637
+Point one, think about how eagerly your brain
+
+18
+00:00:37,637 --> 00:00:38,905
+will offload thought.
+
+19
+00:00:39,272 --> 00:00:41,641
+Quick, when's your sister's dog's birthday?
+
+20
+00:00:41,841 --> 00:00:43,643
+Fuck knows, you own a calendar.
+
+21
+00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:45,879
+Give driving directions from your high school to
+
+22
+00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:47,013
+your current favorite bar.
+
+23
+00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,349
+Who knows, just pull up GPS.
+
+24
+00:00:49,516 --> 00:00:51,718
+Do you have the speed of sound memorized?
+
+25
+00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,355
+Einstein would just look it up.
+
+26
+00:00:55,855 --> 00:00:57,724
+So it follows that wizards have an attitude
+
+27
+00:00:57,724 --> 00:01:00,026
+of waving a stick and saying some words
+
+28
+00:01:00,026 --> 00:01:01,361
+works reliably enough.
+
+29
+00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:02,529
+Who cares why?
+
+30
+00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,899
+Point two, there is precisely one catch-all
+
+31
+00:01:05,899 --> 00:01:07,901
+gen-ed class at Hogwarts.
+
+32
+00:01:08,234 --> 00:01:09,369
+Here's a fun game.
+
+33
+00:01:09,369 --> 00:01:11,371
+The next time someone says “they should teach
+
+34
+00:01:11,371 --> 00:01:14,207
+(blank) in schools”, ask them what existing courses
+
+35
+00:01:14,207 --> 00:01:16,142
+they're going to get rid of to make room.
+
+36
+00:01:16,443 --> 00:01:18,545
+Student schedules have been over full forever -
+
+37
+00:01:18,778 --> 00:01:20,980
+And at Hogwarts, who knows what they discarded
+
+38
+00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:21,648
+for magic.
+
+39
+00:01:22,048 --> 00:01:24,284
+Anyway, think about how many plot holes are
+
+40
+00:01:24,284 --> 00:01:24,884
+filled in:
+
+41
+00:01:25,251 --> 00:01:27,821
+1. why are wizards hiding from muggles in
+
+42
+00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,422
+spite of Avada Kedavra?
+
+43
+00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:32,125
+There's some conflicting information in the books -
+
+44
+00:01:32,125 --> 00:01:35,361
+it's The "killing curse", implying it's the only one.
+
+45
+00:01:35,595 --> 00:01:39,866
+But for example, sectum-sempra would kill someone, eventually.
+
+46
+00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,837
+Avada Kedavra is apparently guaranteed instant death if
+
+47
+00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,905
+we ignore Barty claiming he could tank a
+
+48
+00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:47,207
+room full and come out of it with
+
+49
+00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,074
+a nosebleed.
+
+50
+00:01:48,475 --> 00:01:50,710
+The whole reason Harry is a celebrity is
+
+51
+00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:53,179
+that he's apparently the only known person to
+
+52
+00:01:53,179 --> 00:01:54,414
+have survived at once.
+
+53
+00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:57,150
+So apparently every kid with a wand is
+
+54
+00:01:57,150 --> 00:01:59,619
+walking around with instant death on a stick.
+
+55
+00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:02,889
+How did wizards get persecuted into hiding by
+
+56
+00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:05,358
+muggles when they can fly and muggles were
+
+57
+00:02:05,358 --> 00:02:06,493
+still horse-centric?
+
+58
+00:02:06,826 --> 00:02:08,962
+Because they don't have as much control of
+
+59
+00:02:08,962 --> 00:02:10,630
+magic as they tell you they do.
+
+60
+00:02:10,930 --> 00:02:12,665
+If a wand and the knowledge of Avada
+
+61
+00:02:12,665 --> 00:02:15,335
+Kedavra is a handgun with infinite ammo, it
+
+62
+00:02:15,335 --> 00:02:16,903
+still has to be aimed and it takes
+
+63
+00:02:16,903 --> 00:02:18,004
+time to execute.
+
+64
+00:02:18,071 --> 00:02:20,073
+So maybe it's feasible for muggles to beat
+
+65
+00:02:20,073 --> 00:02:23,209
+any given wizard's UnFoRgIvAbLe DaRk MaGiC by sending
+
+66
+00:02:23,209 --> 00:02:26,579
+two dudes with blunderbusses, three to be extra sure.
+
+67
+00:02:27,247 --> 00:02:29,849
+2. why do wizards have to enslave house
+
+68
+00:02:29,849 --> 00:02:31,784
+elves to cook and clean when there's a
+
+69
+00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:33,286
+clean-up-the-room-spell?
+
+70
+00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:37,557
+Has there never been a great wizard Microwavicus Boyardee?
+
+71
+00:02:38,358 --> 00:02:40,860
+4. look at all the construction -
+
+72
+00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,962
+the Weasleys just magic'd up their house and
+
+73
+00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,764
+whatever building came out is as good as
+
+74
+00:02:44,764 --> 00:02:46,132
+they're ever going to get.
+
+75
+00:02:47,066 --> 00:02:50,603
+Magical construction predicted vibe coding by 20 years.
+
+76
+00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:53,907
+Hogwarts has a whimsical labyrinth of stairs with
+
+77
+00:02:53,907 --> 00:02:56,509
+lots of moving parts, surely because a spiral
+
+78
+00:02:56,509 --> 00:02:59,579
+staircase with regular landings just never occurred to them.
+
+79
+00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:02,782
+Wizards have tardis-camp-tents and yet not
+
+80
+00:03:02,782 --> 00:03:05,185
+every wizard rents a cheap storage unit to
+
+81
+00:03:05,185 --> 00:03:07,620
+store a port key to their palatial mansion.
+
+82
+00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,157
+5. are spells invented or discovered?
+
+83
+00:03:11,624 --> 00:03:13,860
+We see zero evidence that any wizard has
+
+84
+00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,162
+ever had an inkling of curiosity about the
+
+85
+00:03:16,162 --> 00:03:18,398
+fundamental nature of magic itself.
+
+86
+00:03:19,132 --> 00:03:24,003
+“You dare use my own spell against me Potter”
+
+87
+00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:27,207
+Snape apparently created sectum sempra -
+
+88
+00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:30,310
+Did he upload that to the leylines?
+
+89
+00:03:30,843 --> 00:03:33,279
+Or did he just go “wow, wave wand
+
+90
+00:03:33,279 --> 00:03:35,582
+in this motion, say these words... 
+
+91
+00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,250
+conveniently it works.
+
+92
+00:03:37,450 --> 00:03:39,719
+I don’t know why but it’ll work for you!”
+
+93
+00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,322
+Harry's too dumb to have ever invented a
+
+94
+00:03:42,322 --> 00:03:44,724
+spell, surely, but Hermione must have.
+
+95
+00:03:45,325 --> 00:03:48,861
+6. why do evil characters keep demonstrating how
+
+96
+00:03:48,861 --> 00:03:51,197
+much they don't care about their loyal subordinates
+
+97
+00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:53,199
+but going through trouble to bust them out
+
+98
+00:03:53,199 --> 00:03:53,833
+of jail?
+
+99
+00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,370
+Because those henchmen are an unfathomably rare specimen
+
+100
+00:03:57,370 --> 00:04:00,039
+of a coworker with some basic competency.
+
+101
+00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:03,309
+3. hi, I tore the very fabric of
+
+102
+00:04:03,309 --> 00:04:05,245
+time and space to move this point to
+
+103
+00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:05,778
+the back.
+
+104
+00:04:06,045 --> 00:04:08,147
+They issued a time travel locket to a
+
+105
+00:04:08,147 --> 00:04:08,815
+third grader.
+
+106
+00:04:09,282 --> 00:04:10,850
+To be honest, none of the rest of
+
+107
+00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:11,751
+these even matter.
+
+108
+00:04:12,218 --> 00:04:15,188
+No wonder the "fEaReD dArK lOrD" who lost
+
+109
+00:04:15,188 --> 00:04:18,191
+a 1v1 against literally a baby got brought
+
+110
+00:04:18,191 --> 00:04:20,393
+back to life and had the world reconquered
+
+111
+00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:21,461
+in a few months.
+
+112
+00:04:21,894 --> 00:04:23,663
+You might wonder why I haven't touched on
+
+113
+00:04:23,663 --> 00:04:26,466
+the seemingly paradoxical rarity of liquid luck.
+
+114
+00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:29,802
+There is a good in-universe justification for
+
+115
+00:04:29,802 --> 00:04:32,605
+why it isn't dispensed out of fountains every
+
+116
+00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:33,206
+10 feet.
+
+117
+00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:36,743
+Welcome to the real video, the actual point
+
+118
+00:04:36,743 --> 00:04:38,077
+I'm getting around to.
+
+119
+00:04:38,778 --> 00:04:41,648
+The narrative function of Felix Felicis is actually
+
+120
+00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:42,282
+great.
+
+121
+00:04:42,582 --> 00:04:47,453
+Even ignoring toxicity, it can't possibly not warp
+
+122
+00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:48,421
+your perspective.
+
+123
+00:04:49,188 --> 00:04:52,925
+Analogy, suppose we invented a chemically perfect painkiller.
+
+124
+00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:55,495
+This hypothetical wonder drug has no other side
+
+125
+00:04:55,495 --> 00:04:58,665
+effects, isn't toxic, isn't directly addictive, and is
+
+126
+00:04:58,665 --> 00:05:00,867
+somehow so cheap that everyone has a lifetime
+
+127
+00:05:00,867 --> 00:05:01,668
+supply.
+
+128
+00:05:02,101 --> 00:05:03,636
+You should still abstain.
+
+129
+00:05:04,037 --> 00:05:05,805
+Pain is data and if this drug is
+
+130
+00:05:05,805 --> 00:05:08,141
+just obscuring that data from you, you won't
+
+131
+00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,877
+realize that your damage is outpacing your healing.
+
+132
+00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:12,545
+Do you like sunlight?
+
+133
+00:05:12,945 --> 00:05:15,415
+If not for the emotional reaction of avoiding
+
+134
+00:05:15,415 --> 00:05:17,183
+sunburn, how long do you think it will
+
+135
+00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:19,385
+be before you give yourself skin cancer?
+
+136
+00:05:19,719 --> 00:05:22,789
+Likewise, Felix Felicis offers to do too much
+
+137
+00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:23,256
+for you.
+
+138
+00:05:23,589 --> 00:05:25,525
+I'm sure you know someone who has atypical
+
+139
+00:05:25,525 --> 00:05:28,094
+advantages working for them and thinks that's just
+
+140
+00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:29,162
+how the world works.
+
+141
+00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:32,332
+“You live in a bubble where people do
+
+142
+00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:34,200
+what you want and tell you what you
+
+143
+00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:34,767
+want to hear.”
+
+144
+00:05:35,401 --> 00:05:38,671
+Because as Churchill didn't quite say - “we shape
+
+145
+00:05:38,671 --> 00:05:41,507
+our tools and afterwards our tools shape us”.
+
+146
+00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:43,976
+A person acclimates to their tools.
+
+147
+00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,346
+Like I referenced above, no one can remember
+
+148
+00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:49,615
+birthdays because calendar software is a solved problem.
+
+149
+00:05:49,916 --> 00:05:51,684
+No one can do mental math because we
+
+150
+00:05:51,684 --> 00:05:53,686
+reliably have a calculator with us.
+
+151
+00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:56,989
+Countless rhymes to share intuitions about tomorrow's weather
+
+152
+00:05:56,989 --> 00:06:00,159
+have been made obsolete by the National Weather Service.
+
+153
+00:06:00,493 --> 00:06:03,563
+This is all great. Victories of engineering. But
+
+154
+00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:06,466
+it's still not okay to remain entirely ignorant.
+
+155
+00:06:07,066 --> 00:06:09,369
+Calendar software is a solved problem thanks to
+
+156
+00:06:09,369 --> 00:06:11,971
+the VCAL standard, so an entity that obscures
+
+157
+00:06:11,971 --> 00:06:14,040
+it from you is trying to unsolve the
+
+158
+00:06:14,040 --> 00:06:15,975
+problem and make you dependent on them so
+
+159
+00:06:15,975 --> 00:06:17,276
+they can raise their price.
+
+160
+00:06:17,577 --> 00:06:19,412
+A calculator is a great thing to have
+
+161
+00:06:19,412 --> 00:06:21,381
+with you, so imagine if your device's owner
+
+162
+00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:23,349
+didn't deign to give you a calculator.
+
+163
+00:06:23,883 --> 00:06:26,052
+In both of those cases, you'd offload your
+
+164
+00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,287
+thought to a service, which then stops.
+
+165
+00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,723
+So shape your tools to be sure the
+
+166
+00:06:30,723 --> 00:06:32,992
+way they shape you back is acceptable.