JOKES

Features.cs

@@ -1,6 +1,8 @@
 using System;
 using System.IO;
 using System.Net;
+using System.Threading;
+using System.Threading.Tasks;
 using Discord;
 using Discord.WebSocket;
 using Newtonsoft.Json;
@@ -10,6 +12,7 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
 {
     public static class Features
     {
+        public static Random r = new Random();
         public static async void detiktokify(Uri link, SocketUserMessage message)
         {
             var ytdl = new YoutubeDLSharp.YoutubeDL();
@@ -104,5 +107,34 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
                 Console.Error.WriteLine($"convert failed :( qr{todaysnumber}");
             }
         }
+        public static async void Joke(SocketUserMessage message)
+        {
+            var jokes = File.ReadAllLines("jokes.txt");
+            var thisJoke = jokes[r.Next(jokes.Length)];
+            if (thisJoke.Contains("?") && !thisJoke.EndsWith('?'))
+            {
+#pragma warning disable 4014
+                Task.Run(async () =>
+                {
+                    var firstIndexAfterQuestionMark = thisJoke.LastIndexOf('?') + 1;
+                    var straightline = thisJoke.Substring(0, firstIndexAfterQuestionMark);
+                    var punchline = thisJoke.Substring(firstIndexAfterQuestionMark, thisJoke.Length - firstIndexAfterQuestionMark);
+                    Task.WaitAll(message.Channel.SendMessageAsync(straightline));
+                    Thread.Sleep(TimeSpan.FromSeconds(r.Next(5, 30)));
+                    var myOwnMsg = await message.Channel.SendMessageAsync(punchline);
+                    if (r.Next(8) == 0)
+                    {
+                        await myOwnMsg.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F60E")); //smiling face with sunglasses
+                    }
+                });
+#pragma warning restore 4014
+            }
+            else
+            {
+                await message.Channel.SendMessageAsync(thisJoke);
+            }
+
+
+        }
     }
 }

Program.cs

@@ -16,6 +16,7 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
     class Program
     {
         private DiscordSocketClient _client;
+        private Random r = new Random();
 
         IConfigurationRoot config = new ConfigurationBuilder()
             .AddJsonFile("appsettings.json", true, true)
@@ -48,6 +49,7 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
             await Task.Delay(-1);
         }
 
+#pragma warning disable 4014 //the "you're not awaiting this" warning. yeah I know, that's the beauty of an async method lol
 #pragma warning disable 1998 //the "it's async but you're not awaiting anything".
         private async Task MessageReceived(SocketMessage messageParam)
 #pragma warning restore 1998
@@ -56,20 +58,22 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
             if (message == null) return;
             if (message.Author.Id == _client.CurrentUser.Id) return;
 
-            Console.WriteLine($"{message.Channel}, {message.Content} (message id: {message.Id})");
+            Console.WriteLine($"#{message.Channel}[{DateTime.Now}][{message.Author.Username} [id={message.Author.Id}]][msg id: {message.Id}] {message.Content}");
 
-            if (message.Author.IsWebhook)
+            if (message.Author.IsWebhook || message.Author.IsBot)
             {
             }
             else
             {
-                //any channel, from a user
+                var contentWithoutMention = message.Content;
-                if (message.Content.StartsWith("!qrplz "))
+                var mentionedMe = false;
+                if (message.MentionedUsers?.FirstOrDefault(muid => muid.Id == _client.CurrentUser.Id) != null)
                 {
-                    Features.qrify(message.Content.Substring("!qrplz ".Length), message);
+                    var mentionOfMe = "<@!" + _client.CurrentUser.Id + ">";
+                    contentWithoutMention = message.Content.Replace(mentionOfMe + " ", null);
+                    contentWithoutMention = contentWithoutMention.Replace(mentionOfMe, null);
+                    mentionedMe = true;
                 }
-                else
-                {
                 var wordLikes = message.Content.Split(' ', StringSplitOptions.TrimEntries);
                 var links = wordLikes?.Where(wl => Uri.IsWellFormedUriString(wl, UriKind.Absolute)).Select(wl => new Uri(wl));
                 if (links != null && links.Count() > 0)
@@ -97,11 +101,110 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
                     }
                     if (appleReactions)
                     {
-#pragma warning disable 4014 //the "you're not awaiting this" warning. yeah I know, that's the beauty of an async method lol
                         message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F34F"));
-#pragma warning restore 4014
                     }
                 }
+
+                var msgText = message.Content?.ToLower();
+                if (!string.IsNullOrWhiteSpace(msgText))
+                {
+
+                    if (Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "\\bcloud( |-)?native\\b", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase) ||
+                       Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "\\benterprise( |-)?(level|solution)\\b", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase))
+                    {
+                        switch (r.Next(2))
+                        {
+                            case 0:
+                                await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\uD83E\uDD2E")); //vomit emoji
+                                break;
+                            case 1:
+                                await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\uD83C\uDDE7")); //B emoji
+                                await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\uD83C\uDDE6")); //A
+                                await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\uD83C\uDDF3")); //N
+                                break;
+                        }
+                    }
+                    if (Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "^(s?he|(yo)?u|y'?all) thinks? i'?m (playin|jokin|kiddin)g?$", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase))
+                    {
+                        var outgoingMessage = await message.Channel.SendMessageAsync("I believed you for a second, but then you assured me you's a \uD83C\uDDE7   \uD83C\uDDEE   \uD83C\uDDF9   \uD83C\uDDE8   \uD83C\uDDED");
+                    }
+                    if (Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "\\bwish me luck\\b", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase))
+                    {
+                        if (r.Next(20) == 0)
+                        {
+                            await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001f340"));//4-leaf clover
+                        }
+                        else
+                        {
+                            await message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("☘️"));
+                        }
+
+                    }
+                    if (msgText.Contains("!qrplz "))
+                    {
+                        Features.qrify(msgText.Substring("!qrplz ".Length + msgText.IndexOf("!qrplz ")), message);
+                    }
+                    if (msgText.Contains("!countdown "))
+                    {
+                        //Features.countdown(msgText.Substring("!countdown ".Length + msgText.IndexOf("!countdown ")), message); //converting human readable times is hard :/
+                    }
+                    if (Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "!joke\\b"))
+                    {
+                        Features.Joke(message);
+                    }
+                    if (msgText.Contains("cognitive dissonance") == true)
+                    {
+                        message.ReplyAsync("that's not what cognitive dissonance means.");
+                    }
+                    if (Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "\\bthank (yo)?u\\b", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase) &&
+                    (mentionedMe || Regex.IsMatch(msgText, "\\b(sh?tik)?bot\\b", RegexOptions.IgnoreCase)))
+                    {
+                        switch (r.Next(4))
+                        {
+                            case 0:
+                                message.Channel.SendMessageAsync("you're welcome, citizen!");
+                                break;
+                            case 1:
+                                message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("☺"));
+                                break;
+                            case 2:
+                                message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F607")); //smiling face with halo
+                                break;
+                            case 3:
+                                switch (r.Next(9))
+                                {
+                                    case 0:
+                                        message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("❤")); //normal heart, usually rendered red
+                                        break;
+                                    case 1:
+                                        message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F9E1")); //orange heart
+                                        break;
+                                    case 2:
+                                        message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F49B")); //yellow heart
+                                        break;
+                                    case 3:
+                                        message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F49A")); //green heart
+                                        break;
+                                    case 4:
+                                        message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F499")); //blue heart
+                                        break;
+                                    case 5:
+                                        message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F49C")); //purple heart
+                                        break;
+                                    case 6:
+                                        message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F90E")); //brown heart
+                                        break;
+                                    case 7:
+                                        message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F5A4")); //black heart
+                                        break;
+                                    case 8:
+                                        message.AddReactionAsync(new Emoji("\U0001F90D")); //white heart
+                                        break;
+                                }
+                                break;
+                        }
+#pragma warning restore 4014
+                    }
                 }
             }
         }

externalProcess.cs

@@ -5,6 +5,7 @@ using System.Diagnostics;
 using System.IO;
 using System.Text;
 using System.Text.RegularExpressions;
+using Newtonsoft.Json;
 
 namespace silverworker_discord
 {
@@ -59,7 +60,7 @@ namespace silverworker_discord
                     errorFilename = $"{dumpDir}/error{i}.err";
                 }
                 File.WriteAllText(outputFilename, outputData.ToString());
-                File.WriteAllText(errorFilename, errorFilename.ToString());
+                File.WriteAllText(errorFilename, JsonConvert.SerializeObject(e, Formatting.Indented));
                 return false;
             }
             return true;

jokes.txt

@@ -0,0 +1,42 @@
+I got a joke for you: wealth trickles down.
+Why did the celebrity egg start losing her friends? They called her a shell-out.
+What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
+The best time on a watch is 6:30, hands down. (ask your parents, young ones)
+What killed the painter? He had too many strokes
+Artists know how to draw the line, so you can’t really peer pressure them.
+Why did the hand cross the road? To get to the secondhand store.
+Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
+Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they're shellfish
+I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
+What did the fish say when it ran into a wall? Dam.
+What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
+What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
+Don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
+I don't trust stairs. They're up to something.
+What did the teacher do with the students report on cheese? Grated it.
+What do you call a man with no legs and arms in a pool? Bob.
+I was going to tell a joke about hammers but ...I don't think I'll nail it
+why did the can recycler quit his job? because it was so depressing.
+They told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down. 
+I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.
+When I was a child, I threw a boomerang, but it didn't come back. I live in constant fear.
+When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
+Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
+It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
+The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.
+I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
+Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
+I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
+A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"
+Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
+A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
+I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
+I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.
+Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop? (ask your parents, young ones)
+I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.
+A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.
+If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
+A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot of vodka. The bartender said, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.’
+A blind man walked into a bar. and a table. and a chair.
+How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
+My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”

twitchery.cs

@@ -1,112 +0,0 @@
-using System;
-using System.Linq;
-using System.Net;
-using System.Text;
-using System.Threading.Tasks;
-using Newtonsoft.Json;
-
-namespace silverworker_discord
-{
-    //replace me with a proper twitch interface
-    public class twitchery
-    {
-        public static async Task twitcherize(string type, string subData)
-        {
-            string purchaser, action;
-            switch (type)
-            {
-                case "reward-request":
-                    await CustomReward(subData);
-                    break;
-                case "subscription":
-                    purchaser = subData.Split("•")[0].Trim();
-                    action = subData.Split("•")[1].Trim();
-                    var subObj = JsonConvert.SerializeObject(new{
-                        purchaserUsername = purchaser,
-                        actionData = action
-                    }, Formatting.None);
-                    if (action == "Subscribed with Prime")
-                    {
-                        await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/primeFreshSub", subObj);
-                    }
-                    else if (action.StartsWith("Resubscribed with Prime."))
-                    {
-                        await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/primeResub", subObj);
-                    }
-                    else if (action.StartsWith("Gifted "))
-                    {
-                        await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/giftSub", subObj);
-                    }
-                    else if (action.StartsWith("Subscribed for"))
-                    {
-                        await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/rawSub", subObj);
-                    }
-                    else if (action.StartsWith("Resubscribed for"))
-                    {
-                        await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/rawResub", subObj);
-                    }
-                    break;
-                case "follow":
-                    await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/follow", subData.Split("•")[0].Trim());
-                    break;
-                case "monetary":
-                    await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/cheer", JsonConvert.SerializeObject(new{
-                        purchaserUsername = subData.Split("•")[0].Trim(),
-                        actionData = subData.Split("•")[1].Trim()
-                    }, Formatting.None));
-                    break;
-                case "raiding":
-                    string partySizeStr = subData.Split("•")[1].Trim().Split(' ').Last();
-                    int partySize = -1;
-                    int.TryParse(partySizeStr, out partySize);
-                    await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/raid", JsonConvert.SerializeObject(new{
-                        raidLeader = subData.Split("•")[0].Trim(),
-                        partySize = partySize
-                    }, Formatting.None));
-                    break;
-                default:
-                    await UnhandledRedemption(type, subData);
-                    break;
-            }
-        }
-        private static async Task CustomReward(string redemptionData)
-        {
-            var components = redemptionData.Split("•");
-            Console.WriteLine($"{components.Length} components:");
-            var rewardName = components[0].Trim();
-            var redeemer = components[1].Trim();
-            var textData = "";
-            if (components[1].Contains(":"))
-            {
-                redeemer = components[1].Substring(0, components[1].IndexOf(":")).Trim();
-                textData = components[1].Substring(components[1].IndexOf(":")).Trim();
-            }
-            Console.WriteLine($"user: {redeemer} redeems {rewardName}, text data? {textData}");
-
-            var redemptionSerialized = JsonConvert.SerializeObject(new
-                {
-                    redeemer = redeemer,
-                    rewardName = rewardName,
-                    textData = textData
-                }, Formatting.None);
-            await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/redeemReward", redemptionSerialized);
-        }
-        private static async Task UnhandledRedemption(params string[] data)
-        {
-            await post("http://192.168.1.151:3001/shortcuts/unhandledRedemption", JsonConvert.SerializeObject(data, Formatting.None)); 
-        }
-        private static async Task post(string endpoint, string body)
-        {
-            byte[] sendable = Encoding.ASCII.GetBytes(body);
-            var wr = WebRequest.Create(endpoint);
-            wr.Method = "POST";
-            wr.ContentType = "application/json";
-            wr.ContentLength = sendable.Length;
-            using (var postStream = wr.GetRequestStream())
-            {
-                postStream.Write(sendable);
-            }
-            await wr.GetResponseAsync();
-        }
-    }
-}