42 lines
3.0 KiB
Plaintext
42 lines
3.0 KiB
Plaintext
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I got a joke for you: wealth trickles down.
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Why did the celebrity egg start losing her friends? They called her a shell-out.
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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
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The best time on a watch is 6:30, hands down. (ask your parents, young ones)
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What killed the painter? He had too many strokes
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Artists know how to draw the line, so you can’t really peer pressure them.
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Why did the hand cross the road? To get to the secondhand store.
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Why do seagulls fly over the ocean? Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.
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Why don't oysters donate to charity? Because they're shellfish
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I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
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What did the fish say when it ran into a wall? Dam.
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What do you call a factory that makes okay products? A satisfactory.
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What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.
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Don't trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.
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I don't trust stairs. They're up to something.
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What did the teacher do with the students report on cheese? Grated it.
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What do you call a man with no legs and arms in a pool? Bob.
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I was going to tell a joke about hammers but ...I don't think I'll nail it
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why did the can recycler quit his job? because it was so depressing.
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They told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
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I failed math so many times at school, I can’t even count.
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When I was a child, I threw a boomerang, but it didn't come back. I live in constant fear.
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When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
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Don’t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
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It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.
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The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they always take things literally.
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I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.
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Most people are shocked when they find out how bad I am as an electrician.
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I was addicted to the hokey pokey, but then I turned myself around.
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A termite walks into the bar and asks, "Is the bartender here?"
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Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
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A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
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I got a new pair of gloves today, but they’re both ‘lefts,’ which on the one hand is great, but on the other, it’s just not right.
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I can tell when people are being judgmental just by looking at them.
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Are people born with photographic memories, or does it take time to develop? (ask your parents, young ones)
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I buy all my guns from a guy called T-Rex. He’s a small arms dealer.
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A book fell on my head the other day. I only have my shelf to blame though.
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If you don’t pay your exorcist, do you get repossessed?
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A ghost walked into a bar and ordered a shot of vodka. The bartender said, ‘Sorry, we don’t serve spirits here.’
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A blind man walked into a bar. and a table. and a chair.
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How do you make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
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My teachers told me I’d never amount to much because I procrastinate so much. I told them, “Just you wait!”
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